Kink Dispenser seekers; My thoughts on the important conversation shared by Keys and Anklets podcast


First; it’s great that the subject matter has been brought up so it can be discussed honestly. Way to go Micheal and Scarlet. Thanks for opening this dialogue.


As a 20 year veteran of an FLR and a Professional Dominatrix I have a perspective that few have. I am sharing to encourage the men who crave this life but struggle against it and the women who love them.

My definition of a “Kink dispenser” seeker-

Individual who looks for play partners who will give them the outlet for their fetish without consideration for their partners needs or requests. Examples: “I’ll do anything you say.” To find out they won’t even return a text message in a timely manner or; Him:“I want you to humiliate me while scrubbing your floor(naked while you stand over me in a leather skirt, corset and tall boots with a crop smacking me every time I don’t do it just right).” Me: “Just clean my bathroom while I sleep in and then bring me coffee in bed.”


A man who wants to please his woman, give her sexual experiences that allow her light to shine brighter and serve her but struggles with a desire to have what he wants; that’s a man trying to conform to an FLR. Give him time, consistency and lots of love. He is not seeking a kink dispenser, he’s simply struggling in a lifestyle that’s far from easy.

Understand there is a difference between fantasizing about a kink activity(ie Cuckolding) and the desire to pursue a particular fetish. Fantasy is bedroom talk with no intention to live it out, desire to pursue is when you move to actively discussing making it happen and setting a plan to do so.

A man often feels the desire for a heavy submissive experience; pegging, Cuckolding, Sissifacation, orgasm control but life makes diving into that head space difficult. Staying consistent is hard because of work pressures, family demands, financial challenges, toxic masculine internal messages, and religious guilt that cause a man to drift back and forth on his personal journey. The path he walks is more challenging than that of the Cuckoldress(honesty is key here…it is harder) and we women must be generous of spirit for what they battle with.

After all of these years in a FemDom, loving relationship, I know that the man sacrifices, he loses the moorings that he was raised with that told him what a man is. That is a frightening experience. Learning to trust the woman and all of her partners to tend to his heart and emotions is a vulnerable place to be. In that place they flip back and forth in an attempt to self protect. We must respect that and not shame him.

There are some simple things that can be done to make the transition as easy as possible, below are some important steps to include in your Cuckolding adventures and other FLR activities.

  1. Write a contract to give guidance, written agreements for new activities establish perimeters and create a shared understanding of what will happen and what each partner is responsible for. Activities to cover could includ; a date, using a chastity device for the first time, first experience with pegging or plugging, trying on women’s clothes for the first time and definitely before using erotic humiliation.

  2. Start slow, Cage for one day, Orgasm control for one week, Engaging with a bull(the first time only one, for a short amount of time), both parties have to agree to the plan and sign it.

  3. Have a written out plan of what to do if he gets triggered while she is on a date.

  4. Leave him notes around the house that are encouraging, loving, playful, and show she is eager to get back with him.

  5. Have supper cooking or text him to pick up his favorite takeout while she is on her date.

  6. When he gets upset, which he will, listen calmly. If he gets ramped and starts being hurtful recognize that it comes from a place of fear. Calmly affirm his emotions, hug him and communicate that you are calling a time out. Give both parties time to calm down and then let him know that he gives you something no one else does and your love for him is stronger than ever and you see his masculinity and love it and desire it.

  7. Remember, when in an FLR or in a Cuckolding relationship the woman has taken on the responsibility to tend to him and his needs. Be confident enough to acknowledge when you are wrong and apologize. We are human and we will make mistakes.

  8. Your relationship is sacred, don’t lie or shade the truth. He is sacrificing much, don’t let him feel like it was all for nothing because you didn’t trust him enough to be honest about your emotions or needs. Never allow the bull to come between you two. He is there to perform a service that is designed to heighten your marriage’s sexual energy.

  9. Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle him


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https://twitter.com/keysandanklets/status/1459994814133452803?s=21


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